gorgeous grease

Today, I did something I always regret. I had fish and chips. Mum and I also split an order of clams, at John’s Lunch, where one is served quickly, straight out of the grease.

When I eat something that good, I almost always feel bad. I was already tired, depressive almost. It’s happened a couple times lately and I think it’s related to eating the very things I know I shouldn’t.

Sometimes, even when I eat something good for me, I find myself feeling lower than I should be. For breakfast today I had oatmeal with a banana and almond milk. Oatmeal is about as wholesome as a newborn baby, but for some reason it doesn’t stick with me long… my blood sugar dips mid- morning after eating it. I think that was the reason for my first low today.

The next low came after eating lunch. I was ready for a nap, but instead called my father for a walk. The walk proved wonderful on this unseasonably warm afternoon, but I was still ready for a nap. So I came home and had one. And now I feel sleepy but good after a late, two-part supper of brown rice and lentils, and brown rice and chicken stew.

I am fearful of how sensitive my system seems to be, to fatigue and food. It shows me I need to be quite vigilant about keeping my blood sugar at a reasonable level and getting my sleep. Sometimes I feel like I am caring for a newborn, whose many needs consume my whole attention. As I get older, my system seems more and more sensitive and needy, as though it is becoming less and less mature, Benjamin Button style. And it’s not only food and sleep that I need to be concerned with, but medication and exercise.

When I was young, my body and mind seemed to be able to take all
kinds of abuse without suffering much but now I am middle-aged, I must handle myself with care. I don’t think that’s a bad thing however,but simply something new and interesting to experience. And as I writer, I’m all about the experience!

Tomorrow will be colder. I won’t have fish and chips and I’ll be going to exercise class. I can already tell it’s going to be a good day.