Today feels a little like a love letter put through a shredder before it was ever sent. Not sure why exactly… it’s loneliness I guess…. it’s come back to haunt me since my buddy Michelle left yesterday. Maybe I need to volunteer somewhere, join a craft group, etc… I think there’s one at the Women’s Resource Centre. I also need to work more.. but i think I need to work with people, at least some of the time. Sometimes it’s hard to know what will help but in the end, I think what i need is… friends. It’s been a long time since I had to intentionally go looking for friends, having spent most of my life in HRM… but I guess it’s part of the challenge and adventure of living somewhere new. And it could be quite fun… it’s just hard to be patient while I’m waiting.
The need for people who reflect back to you that you are likeable, interesting and worthy of their time is important to my mental health, and I imagine it is for everyone. I have a home, for now. A job of sorts, writing my novel. And I do have friends… but not here in Antigonish, not yet, and I really, really miss having the “in person” kind.. the living, breathing bodies in the seat across from me with faces that flicker with life and thought and feeling.
I don’t want a cat. I want people who I like and respect and who laugh and sing and pray, at more or less appropriate times and places… We all need those. A home, a job and a friend…pretty basic. Last thing I need is a shredder.