Today feels a little like a love letter put through a shredder before it was ever sent. Not sure why exactly… it’s loneliness I guess…. it’s come back to haunt me since my buddy Michelle left yesterday. Maybe I need to volunteer somewhere, join a craft group, etc… I think there’s one at the Women’s Resource Centre. I also need to work more.. but i think I need to work with people, at least some of the time. Sometimes it’s hard to know what will help but in the end, I think what i need is… friends. It’s been a long time since I had to intentionally go looking for friends, having spent most of my life in HRM… but I guess it’s part of the challenge and adventure of living somewhere new. And it could be quite fun… it’s just hard to be patient while I’m waiting.
The need for people who reflect back to you that you are likeable, interesting and worthy of their time is important to my mental health, and I imagine it is for everyone. I have a home, for now. A job of sorts, writing my novel. And I do have friends… but not here in Antigonish, not yet, and I really, really miss having the “in person” kind.. the living, breathing bodies in the seat across from me with faces that flicker with life and thought and feeling.
I don’t want a cat. I want people who I like and respect and who laugh and sing and pray, at more or less appropriate times and places… We all need those. A home, a job and a friend…pretty basic. Last thing I need is a shredder.
Anna we all feel alone sometimes. It is finding the difference between loneliness and being alone. It must be a time when changes are just a whisper away. Be patient and relish quietude as so many crave that. Know how special you are.
Thank you Evelyn. I do love my solitude, and loneliness while painful can be a gift…
MY DEAR DEAR ANNA.. KNOW HOW YOU FEEL… AND ITS GOOD TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF.. AND BEING ALONE.. IS A GOOD WAY TO DO SO… FILL YOUR DAYS, KINDA OF EXPLORING THE NEIGHBOURHOOD.. ALWAYS TAKE A DIFFERENT WAY BACK HOME… I DO THAT QUITE OFTEN, AND AT TIMES GET LOST.. BUT I JUST WALK AND MAYBE ASK SOMEONE.. WHERE IS SUCH AND SUCH.. I MOVED HERE FROM MONTREAL BACK IN 1978 LEFT ALL MY FRIENDS BEHIND.. AND I WAS ANGREY AT MY EX AND I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE.. WHEN I CAME TO NOVA SCOTIA… I HADNT A CLUE AS TO WHERE THINGS ARE.. AND I WALKED ALOT.. CAUSE I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT BUSSES.. ETC… TODAY I THANK GOD, CAUSE WAKING ALOT KINDA OF SAVED MY LIFE… CAUSE IN MONTREAL THE BUSSES ARE LIKE EVERY 5 TO 10MINUTES, SO WHY WALK.. MY DAD DIDNT AND HE TOOK A CAR, AND NEVER WALKED.. AND SO MY DAD PASSED AWAY VERY YOUNG, HE HAD HARDEN OF THE ARTERIES.. I WAS HEADING THE WAY DAD DID, I BEAT THE ODDS, YOUR FRIEND ALWAY.. PHONE OR EMAIL.. OR MAYBE VISIT… FRIENDS FOREVER… DONT BE TO HARD ON YOURSELF… GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE. ANNETTE…….
Annette, I guess we all know loneliness… it’s part of being human. But there are wonderful people everywhere and i will meet some of them here in Antigonish… i already have! still i do appreciate my friends in HRM a good deal… I have been so lucky to have them!
This sounds real. Not knowing anything about you [address from Kathi] I wonder why you moved[away from friends -maybe trouble – I have no idea]? I nearly moved to a rural section of New York state,but wasn’t hopeful about making a living. God, how I like the country,but one needs health or money. I was late 50’s and didn’t drive and do house cleaning for a living. Living in city,Philadelphia,cheaper. And friends. And family. And “culture”. I found a nice, woodsy area. Maybe if I had been in early 40’s….. nancy w.
well… loneliness… it’s a bit of a tonic… a cleanse maybe. There are several reasons I moved to Antigonish but the deepest ones might not make sense on the surface…I came partly to be alone, and that’s what I am! So… while i complain of loneliness it’s also something i need…wouldn’t have heard from you had i not been! 🙂
Hey, have you got skype up there?
You know, something tells me you would make an excellent counsellor. I was listening to my oldest child describe high school today, and was having flashbacks to Gr. 7 – rampant bullying and oblivious teachers – and thinking, I never considered going into counselling, but wow, there’s a need for it in the schools … although I know they’re broke and all …
AM my comment didn’t reach you… hmph so much for technology connecting people! but i am actually grateful for it… it’s saved my brain. anyway i’d make a lousy counsellor,.. neurotic, food addicted, sometimes mad woman that i am. I need a counsellor. my brain has lined the pocket books of countless shrinks. funny because it’s not lining mine. haha.
Hi Anna, i’m not much good with words but was touched by yours, to be at peace with yourself and love who you are must be the greatest gift for anyone, how many of us actually feel this in our lives. I wish you peace and happiness in what your heart desires. Love and light Elaine.
thank you Elaine… i think we all know about loneliness… and that’s why it moves people, not so much my words… all the best