annaquon

unsettled

annaquon — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 01:34:33 +0000

When something upsets one’s equilibrium, it’s a little like when something upsets one’s digestion. It’s uncomfortable, distressing, and regrettable. And when things right themselves, it’s hard to remember what all the fuss was about.

never too rich, too thin or too wordled

annaquon — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:09:50 +0000

I don’t think it’s the Abilify… it might just be too much screen time. The brain tiredness, and headacheiness, and general lethargy could all be linked to my computer. I know I am an addict because even when I know I’m unhappy and uncomfortable, I can’t pull myself away.

That said…

Yesterday I spent much of the afternoon in bed reading Annabelle by Kathleen WInter. It’s one of those novels that is easy, so easy to read and to enjoy. There might be more intellectually challenging novels, but to me there is something incredibly precious about a book that is well written, a great story with great characters, and that you want to take to bed not to put you to sleep but to keep you reading into the wee hours, until your eyes dry out and your lids refuse to open. I so rarely spend time soaking in a novel these days or indeed, since I crossed the wild field of adolescence that it reminds me of childhood, that far away time when books were for devouring by the stack, like pancakes.

If a person wanted to cultivate an addiction, they could do worse than reading novels. They could be enslaved to email. If they’re lucky though, they can have a little of both… all the words they want, on screen and off. He who does not believe in heaven has never taken a novel to bed, or answered their email from his bubble bath.

Abilify this!

annaquon — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 02:08:21 +0000

I started a new medication lately, called Abilify.. It comes in a weird little pill, so small that it gets lost in my mouth, and I don’t even know when I’ve swallowed it. I think it makes me a bit nauseous, and every day, sometime in between 4 and 6 pm, I feel … wrong. My head aches, mildly, and life makes me unhappy. It doesn’t last long, and is minor enough that I find it interesting rather than upsetting.

The hope is that Abilify will help me lose weight as well as support my mental health. I have doubts about the weight loss, but am willing to give it old the college try. Olanzapine has worked well on my brain but has not been so good for my physical health, and Abilify may be able to succeed where Olanzapine has failed.

But it’s my low intensity exercise class that I think is of most benefit to me physically and it comes a close second to my drugs where my mental health is concerned. I am able to get what for me is a workout, among people who are similarly disabled by pain, breathing problems, and/or weight-related issues We’re all trying to do better, go farther and longer, and although we’ll never make the Olympics, our small gains (or losses, as the case may be) are reason to celebrate.

If Abilify does what its name seems to imply, making me more able (to get around the gym, lose weight and keep out of hospital) then it’s worth a little headache and unhappiness. And if it lets me add a few more steps to my pedometer total, I’ll dedicate a poem to it.”Abilify me!”

Strike!

annaquon — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:47:12 +0000

Hunkering down for the bus strike, So many of us are without resources to get to work, to doctor appointments, to the grocery store. I have already seen the negative impact of the bus strike on the mental health of a friend, and expect to feel it in my pocketbook soon when I and others I work with can’t get to my usual gigs (writing group and Random Acts of Kindness group) at the Healthy Minds Cooperative, It can’t be good for business that people can’t get to the stores. On the bright side however, maybe there will be fewer kids hanging out at the mall. Maybe they’ll take to the streets and play hockey, walk to school, make friends with their neighbours.

But as usual when an essential service is cut off or denied, it’s the most vulnerable who hurt most– seniors, the working poor, and people with disabilities on fixed incomes, who have no other options. It’s only fair to mention them.because while the bus strike is an inconvenience to many, to some it is a deprivation that can lead to social isolation, ill health and further impoverishment, May the strike end soon, and thanks to all the generous souls who are pitching in to help ( Thanks Dad!) .

Writing for my mental health

annaquon — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:23:13 +0000

I’ve been writing some… not today but recently. I haven’t had much work but have been devoting some time every morning to writing and it makes me feel peaceful and happy. But i need to get some paying gigs so please keep me in mind. Maybe you’re having a birthday party and want me to come lead a poetry workshop for your guests! or maybe you have a wedding coming up and instead of getting pedicures and up dos, you want to work on your wedding speeches. Well I hope you’ll think of me! I don’t jump out of cakes, juggle or make balloon animals, but I can do something! I’m a mercenary poet.

It’s late. bedtime and dreamtime. I had a strange dream the other night that my friend Chava called me and then fell silent on the phone while i asked questions trying to figure out what was wrong. I woke up in the middle of the dream so never did find out why she wouldn’t say anything. The new med I’m on might make for more vivid dreams… I’m looking forward to more of those!

time for cornflakes. time for bed

Slow kind of snow day

annaquon — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:43:40 +0000

It’s snowing… and I am home– full of healthy, delicious food, listening to my favourite radio station, with a free evening ahead of me. I’m at peace with my recent decision not to take a CEO position because I don’t like the acronym– reminds me too much of the ee i ee i o song. I don’t have a job, but I’m learning how to blog, am keeping my eyes open and hoping someone will want a hard-working writer on their team. My slogan: “Too bogged down to blog? Inspired to retire? I’ll do your job, you knob!”

Well it’s time to hunker down for the snow storm and think wintery thoughts. The cloud have covered o’er us and the the flakes are floating down….slow down all you car commuters… and what the hell are you doing online while you’re driving?

CEO for hire

annaquon — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 23:33:50 +0000

Well the new year has come and most of us want to see improvements over last year. Maybe we want a little less around the middle and a little more in the pocket. Well those are top of my list… but the very tip top of my list is to become a CEO. Because apparently they are the tip of the economic iceberg, and maybe of the evolutionary pyramid too… so skilled and wise as to be almost a different species. And therefore deserving of an outrageous number of shells, trinkets and stock options each hour they sit in their glass walled offices, watching the rest of the folk in their sweaty cubicles.

So today I state my intention to be a CEO, and I look forward to seeing what comes my way. I’ve got a nice business card and a comfortable chair. Now I want the private island and a trip into outer space… but I’d settle for a private jet and beachfront penthouse. After all a CEO has to start somewhere. . and I’m willing to begin at the bottom of the top.

Christmas is a-comin’

annaquon — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:03:37 +0000

This Sunday, December 18, Sass and I will be selling at the Seaport Market again- me, poetry and fiction; Sass- photocards. The Market is exciting, warm and fragrant at Christmas time, redolent of cinnamon and fir, beribboned and bowed, welcoming all into its embrace. I think there should be a fireplace there and comfortable chairs, and some elves under the tables, making and hammering and wrapping. But it’s still really, really good! Come see.

A stay-at-home day

annaquon — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 22:10:41 +0000

It’s been a lovely kind of day.. the kind of day I think is going to be lonely, unsatisfying and gloomy but which turns out to be just the kind of day I need. Marian and I went to the Dartmouth Market, which was a kind of festive zoo, and I had plans to go to Halifax but decided when I got home with my groceries to have a nap instead. Then made a hard decision to do laundry. Now home with a roast in the oven listening to my beloved CBC, which is my friend through thick and thin. I guess i didn’t stay home all day but it feels like a day well spent close by, and in, my cozy nest.

A year ago I was in the Czech Republic at Townshend International School, where the students were bracing themselves for exams and I was floating free, without any more obligations and without any real plan. it was a bit of a meancholy time, but a forward looking one… I was getting ready to go to my residency in another town, and to leave behind the friends I’d made in Hluboka. This year is much different… I feel like I am living in a comfiortable old shoe, like the old lady in the nursery rhyme but without all the children. I love the way it feels to be home. And isn’t that a hallmark of happiness- one of the great gifts life can give us, along with good health and harmony? Here’s hoping everyone will find and love their home in 2012.

gorgeous grease

annaquon — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 23:54:02 +0000

Today, I did something I always regret. I had fish and chips. Mum and I also split an order of clams, at John’s Lunch, where one is served quickly, straight out of the grease.

When I eat something that good, I almost always feel bad. I was already tired, depressive almost. It’s happened a couple times lately and I think it’s related to eating the very things I know I shouldn’t.

Sometimes, even when I eat something good for me, I find myself feeling lower than I should be. For breakfast today I had oatmeal with a banana and almond milk. Oatmeal is about as wholesome as a newborn baby, but for some reason it doesn’t stick with me long… my blood sugar dips mid- morning after eating it. I think that was the reason for my first low today.

The next low came after eating lunch. I was ready for a nap, but instead called my father for a walk. The walk proved wonderful on this unseasonably warm afternoon, but I was still ready for a nap. So I came home and had one. And now I feel sleepy but good after a late, two-part supper of brown rice and lentils, and brown rice and chicken stew.

I am fearful of how sensitive my system seems to be, to fatigue and food. It shows me I need to be quite vigilant about keeping my blood sugar at a reasonable level and getting my sleep. Sometimes I feel like I am caring for a newborn, whose many needs consume my whole attention. As I get older, my system seems more and more sensitive and needy, as though it is becoming less and less mature, Benjamin Button style. And it’s not only food and sleep that I need to be concerned with, but medication and exercise.

When I was young, my body and mind seemed to be able to take all
kinds of abuse without suffering much but now I am middle-aged, I must handle myself with care. I don’t think that’s a bad thing however,but simply something new and interesting to experience. And as I writer, I’m all about the experience!

Tomorrow will be colder. I won’t have fish and chips and I’ll be going to exercise class. I can already tell it’s going to be a good day.